Quo Vadis?

F3C651FF-DF1D-4A3F-B1F1-5F0F972AF9B0“I know where I’m going and I know who’s going with me. I know who I love and my Dear knows who I’ll marry…” Traditional Irish Ballad

New moon. Planets going (or in) retrograde. Equinox aready in the wings. A quickening. Sap rising. A sense of expectation…

Sometimes I think I live my life in song, the lyrics anyway.

“It Might As Well Be Spring” ~ restless as a willow in a windstorm

“Spring Can Really Hang You Up The Most” ~ spring is here, there’s no mistaking, robins building nests from coast to coast

“In The Garden” ~ and he walks with me and he talks with me and he tells me I am his own

“Side By Side” ~ Oh! We ain’t got a barrel of money
Maybe we’re ragged and funny
But we’ll travel along
Singing a song
Side by side
We don’t know what’s a-comin’ tomorrow
Maybe it’s trouble and sorrow
But we’ll travel the road
Sharing our load
Side by side

Thru all kinds of weather
What if the sky should fall
Just as long as we’re together
It really doesn’t matter at all
When they’ve all had their quarrels and parted
We’ll be the same as we started
Just travelin’ along
Singing a song
Side by side

Thoughts, like fragments of songs, go swirling through my head:

  • When we first wake in the morning or from a nap we don’t always know where we are on the planet or what time/day/month/year it is. Sometimes, if we stay inside our own little world, that doesn’t matter.
  • Clear priorities are a wonderful thing. We’ve each and both decided that nothing is more important than the other’s well-being. This simplifies our lives enormously and frees up great amounts of time and energy.
  • There is now an opportunity to examine previously unchallenged beliefs to check for accuracy and relevance. Lots of long cherished pedantry doesn’t make the cut. The origin of most erroneous belief is long gone; it is fascinating to discover the dogged tenacity with which we ourselves have perpetrated certain perversities of thought.
  • Our relationships with family and friends benefit from this gap in the space/time continuum as we no longer confuse other people’s choices with our consequences and thereby relinquish the illusion of or perceived need for control over others. This allows real connection and affection to flourish, not in spite, but because of the distances between us.
  • The tiniest moments and briefest gestures become exquisitely precious. There is heart-bursting joy and an upsurging, over-flowing gratitude and appreciation that wash over us like ocean waves all day long and well into the night until we simply have to rest from the sheer enormity of all the good in our experience.

Sometimes we almost feel embarrassed to be so blessed. Aren’t we silly?






Some trucks have their owner’s name emblazoned on the side. Cabs have little signs that stick up from their roofs advertising stuff. Busses, too, sell space to get somebody’s message across. We just have our Nevada license plate which reads LUV2YOU on the front and back bumpers. Besides the obvious advantage of defusing others’ potential irritation at us for going too slowly or driving like tourists, which we always are, there is simply the benevolence of the thing. We intend to be a blessing, however small and perhaps insignificant, wherever we go. You never know who needs to be told they’re lovable.

We travelled 175 miles today, it being Wednesday, our moving day. We left Bass Lake, where it rained most of last week, at 9:00 am and headed west and south for dryer, warmer climes in Bakersfield, California down Highway 99. After another stop at Trader Joe’s for groceries, we checked in to the River Run RV Resort at about 3:00 pm. It’s a lovely place, right next to a hotel with both pool and spa heated and open to us. There are restaurants in the hotel, steak house and sushi, we’re told, in addition to the usual fast food fare. Our cell phones have signals, there’s free WiFi that actually works, a handy laundromat, our satellite antenna isn’t competing with too many trees for a view of the southern sky, 30 amp electric hookup, water and sewer all working perfectly and the pad where we’re parked is even level with no adjustments needed! It’s the little things that mean a lot! We’re no longer used to the sound of traffic though. When we were tucked in little out of the way spots where many of those aforementioned amenities weren’t available, it was, however, very quiet. Almost like quiet was a thing, the way noise is.

The picture above wasn’t taken here. I think it was taken somewhere in Oregon. We were too tired to go exploring and take pictures when we arrived today.  Maybe tomorrow, when we go to the pool. We like taking selfies while soaking, maybe you can tell that from previous posts!

But for now, I’m noticing (again) how much traffic sounds like surf…

And before we turn in, I just wanted to remind you of how very much you’re loved… Sweet dreams.

When for no earthly reason I can think of…..


I used to think that my anxiety, or what some know as panic attacks, had real life corollary events or causes. Similarly, I expected that some change in the world of manifestation would be the remedy. Wrong on both counts apparently. I have witnessed and weathered terrible crises with remarkable aplomb, collapsed into helplessness when absolutely nothing averse was occurring and experienced no perceptible shift inwardly at all when conditions improved or deteriorated. Now that’s just weird if you ask me!

I do have a strong preference for equanimity, even cheerfulness. And I am willing to adjust whatever is necessary to restore my equilibrium. But sometimes the only thing that seems to work is a pill, prescribed by someone credentialed and taken according to directions. I’m not sure why that should be for me an occasion of shame; Ernest Holmes said there was as much God in a surgeon’s knife or a pill as in a prayer, and I have believed him on everything else.

So I hereby admit there are times when I weep uncontrollably for no apparent reason and times that I tremble with dread and other times when I am vicious in speaking to my most dearly beloved. But not today. I saw it coming and took the pill. I will return to reading (Fire and Fury, nothing upsetting there!) playing Words With Friends, listening to it rain on our metal roof, making beef stew and cornbread for dinner and gently responding to the dear man around whom my life revolves with good humor and gentle affection. I guess that makes the little pill a bloody miracle, huh?

Wanderlust 1/4/18


“…Not all those who wander are lost…” Tolkien

We began the new year in Pine Grove, California visiting our granddaughters Maddie and Aiden who live with their maternal great grandparents Gerry and Carol Glover. Carol is a homebody who loves to cook and garden and play card games with our girls. She fed us wonderful meals every night for a week and still had time to read, bake fresh apple pies and attend four high school basketball games in which her great grandson played. Gerry is a retired firefighter with a garage full of mysterious tools and spare parts that can be used for all manner of things. On our behalf, since we arrived with the new refrigerator door in a box, he not only installed it for us but manufactured a necessary piece that was missing as well. Maddie worked everyday at her job in the local hamburger joint. She’ll be seventeen next week, and is tall, willowy, smart and thoughtful of others. While her job and social life are quite demanding, she made some time each day to spend with us so we could feel included in her life. Aiden, at twelve, is now five feet tall and wears the same size shoe I do! She is sweet and mischievous, somber and playful, wise beyond her years. It was such a delight to hold her on my lap, just for a minute, and then listen to how the world looks from her perspective. She also had great fun assembling the solar powered modular robot we got her for Christmas! It’s kind of like legos, only it does stuff and then she can disassemble it and reconfigure it as something else! We had a thoroughly satisfying and delightful visit.

Yesterday we drove into Stockton to get provisions at Trader Joe’s, fill up on fuel, mail a letter and replace our frayed iPhone charge cords before heading south to Bass Lake Recreational Resort. We’re just south of Yosemite and north of Fresno, nestled in the foothills at about 3500 feet above sea level. It rained a bit last night and more is forecast intermittently for the coming week, but we’re all snug and happy in our mini-casa. Gil says the pool is open and looks heated (steam rising from the surface) after his reconnaissance walk this morning, so I think we may give it a try when the sun peeks through. Meanwhile, I’m still experiencing some sort of bug that has me sneezing, coughing and feeling subpar. Fortunately I can just hunker down and heal. No demands or worries, nor even home repairs! But if we are to get back to our latest Dick Francis mystery, Gil will have to take over the reading aloud as I can barely croak and may lose my voice altogether. He is trying not to smirk.

Deciding to Trust

55230234-F618-406E-BA81-B2DB5EEFC813Not long after we began our motorhome adventure we discovered that the refrigerator door was going to be a problem. If it was not closed with great awareness and intentionality it would fly open while we were driving down the road. This phenomenon led, no doubt, to the equally disconcerting experience of having either the top or the bottom hinge give way completely whilst accessing the interior…sometimes both. After wrestling with this we learned that two fairly short screws were all that held the door in place and that they were simply coming apart for no apparent reason. My beloved, who is a phenomenal improvisational jazz musician, but who has never been a particularly talented handy-man with fixit skills, went to the hardware store and bought two small “C” clamps (in black no less, to match the hinges) which he used to secure the screws and prevent them from working loose. Brilliant! This worked for months. Then we began to notice random pieces of broken black plastic on the floor of the kitchen, near the refrigerator. We looked everywhere but couldn’t see from whence they’d come. We didn’t save the several inch long sections as it was obvious they were never going to be reattached to anything. Then the bottom hinge failed altogether, even with the little clamp. Note: have you ever paid attention to how often every day you open and close your refrigerator? Count them sometime, just for fun. It’s a lot! Okay. So then getting cold food out of there became a complicated process of supporting the door and finding what one wanted at the same time. It was safer if we did it together, one holding the door and the other getting or replacing food, but that wasn’t always convenient. What emerged was a chronic sense of dread, a readiness for disaster to strike at any moment, a hyper vigilance that is exhausting. Why didn’t they just get it fixed, you might ask. Well, Gil was so proud of his fix with the clamps. And they did work, for a while. So we finally had the RV fixer people order new hinges only to find out that the hinges weren’t the real problem; the bottom of the door frame was breaking apart. That’s where those little plastic pieces came from. So then they ordered us a new door only to discover it wasn’t the right one. Before we moved on to our next destination I got the correct part number and then called other RV fixit people in our new location. We picked up the new door this week and came to visit family where there is a real wizard with all things mechanical who installed it for us yesterday! Problem solved! Finally… So why does my whole body tense up and I hold my breath every time either one of us opens that door? Interesting! The expectation of impending doom has become habituated. As a lifelong metaphysican I can see where this goes, if left unaddressed! I hereby choose to notice and challenge any anticipation of difficulty, disease or disquietude I find rising in my consciousness and replace it with the awareness that all my needs have always been met and calm confidence that they always will be! Einstein reportedly said that the big question to answer is whether or not the universe is friendly. This is, indeed, fundamental to how we live our lives; it is the context within which our entire life story unfolds. “God didn’t bring me this far, just to drop me on my head now!” “There’s got to be a pony here someplace!” “It’s not important whether the glass is half empty or half full; it’s refillable!” Today my lesson is trust. Relaxing, allowing, turning it over is only possible when I first decide that the game is indeed rigged, in my favor! Yours too! Deciding that benevolence is the universal organizing principle is my first, maybe only, job! Today I’m thanking my formerly broken refrigerator door for bringing me back home to a really big, and deliciously good, God!